Hello my friends! I’m almost back. I missed you so. I’m recovering from the start of school and will be back on Sunday after a nice reprieve near my favorite nature, water. Idaho has the best rivers and offers respite for the weary soul. Just wanted to say a quick hello and tell you about an awesome movie that might not be out long in case you’re thinking of going to the movies this weekend.
An independent film, Alive Inside, was playing at a small theater in Boise this week. It was part of a great kickoff in our community to raise Alzheimer awareness and how music can bring back and awaken a soul. Being in Poetry Therapy and also very interested in finding ways to communicate with my dad who is suffering from Alzheimer’s and trying to gather stories from his vaulted heart, I was intrigued and had to see it.
This documentary is very well done with case scenarios that show how music has assisted Alzheimer’s patients around the world and how they are working to get music in EVERY nursing home. I hope you can see it. If nothing else, watch Henry; he will light up your heart.
My daddy was excited about using music and has been helping make a list. It’s been fun going over music with him and he’s been calling me. He lives off by himself, so I worry that he won’t get the music or use it because there’s no one to give it to him. But even if he does it for a small while and gets benefit and joy from it, I will be happy.
I’ll write more Sunday and come a visiting you! Have a blessed weekend my friends. Marie
You’re gonna love this! It’s from the Coast Guard 1957. The artist drew it for my dad on his bootcamp issued towel. Dad recently gave this to me. It’s been in his bedroom, and I’ve seen glimpses of it…but until this year, he’s never let me in his room. (Again, part of the vault opening up.)
Here’s what I love about it. It’s got history! There is so much history on this one towel!
I’ve been interviewing my daddy trying to get to know him better. It’s only been the last three years that he’s opened the vault for me to peek in. When I would ask him about the Coast Guard, sometimes he couldn’t remember specifics like dates and or places he went, and sometimes the names of the people he was with.
The good news is that when he gave me the towel, he gave me history…It says when and where he was in the Coast Guard, and his name and company name. At the bottom, it’s signed by the artist…the very same name as my brother!
Dad vaguely remembered the guy and said he did a couple of tours with him…but he couldn’t give me details. I understand…it was only 60 years ago!
The other cool part was that my daughter is in the Coast Guard too, and they still train in Cape May. And the artist was just messing around.
Moral of the story:Keep writing and keep drawing and keep taking pictures. There’s someone who will love that history one day. LEAVE A LEGACY.
My daddy has been a vaulted man for most of my life. I never understood why. I only knew that as a child and an adult I yearned for him to talk to me…tell me things about him. The child in me longed for the stories and the adventures. But the human in me wanted a deeper relationship, to talk and go do things together. There’s something about a little girl and her daddy, or at least what I interpreted from watching my friends with their dads.
It’s been 3 years since I’ve began my quest to get to know daddy. I can’t tell you what prompted me to begin this journey, but I think it was intuition, or maybe it was that I sat still long enough to listen. I began with curiosity and a book. The book had questions in it. As I perused the book, I realized that I didn’t know a lot of basic things about my dad. Sure there were the obvious things I didn’t know like our family tree and how he met my mom or why she left. But really I didn’t even know simple things like his favorite color or favorite food or even family traditions.
I told dad about the book and showed it to him. He looked at it curiously. “What do you think dad?” I asked hopefully, and he answered, “sure, I could probably do that.” Inside, I was elated, and I wanted to grab him and hug him, but I knew I didn’t want to scare him. He was like a frightened deer talking about anything more than the weather and fishing and/or tractors.
The first year was peppered with just a few questions here and there, about every few days or sometimes just once a week. At first, I could only ask daddy really simple questions like family tree information or things he liked or didn’t like. That was safe enough.
However, if I asked a question that was too deep, he feigned an “I don’t know” or a “I have to go and fix dinner now” or “I’ll get back to that” (which he never did.) I could hear in his voice that I had hit a nerve and the pain was too raw to look at. Those were days he had looked at once and tucked away for good.
But there was something that kept him coming back. Was it that every one of us wants to leave a legacy of some sort? Is it that everyone wants to leave some small part of themselves in this world to know they had not lived their life in vein?
Also, at first, daddy would only answer the questions that were in the book. If I was there in person, he would peek over to make sure the question was in the book. He still didn’t trust me, and that was okay. Fortunately for me, I knew that I shouldn’t go off track, or he might not talk anymore. Actually, most of the time I worried if one day he would just stop answering questions. And I realized that worry didn’t serve me. I was learning more about dad than I ever had. It was these little gold nuggets that I kept digging up. Like gold, you cherish each little bit you find, even the flecks.
Fast forward three years, to last night. I chatted just a short chat with my daddy before he went to bed. I helped him calm his fears because nighttime is evil to him. (He has Sundowners.) And I told him, “I love you daddy and sleep well.” His words back to me were simple, but went straight to the heart.
“Thanks for being nice to me.”
Wow. Six little words that startled me into reality. Isn’t that what we ALL want? …someone to be nice to us, especially in a world that is sometimes cruel. We just want to know someone cares. And sometimes it’s in the simple things…talking on the phone and ask them about themselves. Daddy responded, as I think I would, grateful that someone was nice to me. It’s always been a journey for me to find the gold in every soul I meet, even those I might not care for or understand…it’s there. Now it’s my mission to find it and cherish it all people. There are so many treasures I have yet to meet.
Got a shovel? It’s time to dig!
*Disclaimer: I am not saying this will work for every person. But I do know this, that most of the time when you take the time to listen and ask questions, that people respond. Sometimes you have to sift through the response to see what is there, and look deep for what this person is offering you, no matter how small.
Now, I get to tell you my favorite moment while I was in Texas interviewing my daddy.
As a prelude to readers who may not know the story, my daddy was a very VAULTED man. He never spoke any emotion. When he chatted on the phone, most conversations were short and spoke of two things, the weather and tractors and sometimes, fishing. But in the last two years, given time and nurturing, the vault has been slowly opening.
While I was in Texas, the vault opened and closed often. I never knew what day, what hour or even what minute my dad would choose to share. I made him my priority. I had some time with siblings, but even they knew my purpose for this trip was to spend time with him. One beautiful moment was when we got lost, Father’s Day Story.
THE BEST PART:
Twenty minutes before people came over for Father’s Day, my dad showed me a paper that had the AA Promise on it. I had seen the paper on the counter, but hadn’t really delved into it. It was brightly colored sunshine orange, and I briefly scanned it. Following intuition, I knew that my dad was showing me this paper for a reason, so I turned the video camera on it and started reading the promises out loud. I read through the entire document so I would have a recording of the paper in case he didn’t want me to have it. Again following my intuition, I was urged to ask him specific questions.
I asked dad what it meant to him when it asked “not to regret the past.” My dad sat back in his chair and began to tell me how the past was a teacher. Upon looking at my dad, he was relaxed and open and telling me straight up how he felt! I wanted to turn the video camera on him, but this action usually caused him to act goofy and uncomfortable and he would make funny faces instead of talking, so I left the camera focused downward so I could at least tape record his words.
On to the next questions: “No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.” Explain this section to me dad. My dad was really engrossed in speaking now and began talking with his hands, which I don’t remember seeing him do…but I use my hands a lot when talking and celebrated that I knew where it came from! Dad was settling in his chair, so I settled back in my chair and began lifting the camera focus up, but still not directly pointing it at dad. He hadn’t noticed too much and was still engrossed in conversation.
Finally, I slouched down in my chair a little more and faced the camera full on and began asking him more questions. Explain the fear you had of people dad? What about your fear of economic security?
My dad didn’t notice the camera because he was fully engaged in answering the question. He understood these questions like the back of his hand. He had lived these questions and knew that his very life depended on him living these principles.
“We suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.” I watched my daddy’s faith and convictions unfold. He had followed his intuition too and knew these promises were vital to keep. And because he kept these promises, we could talk today. I had never heard these promises full on before, though I had attended Al-Anon meetings many times. Someone had told me once that the AA principles weren’t really being used much any more, and many people questioned how much those principles actually helped people in the past. I can tell you from what I’ve witnessed, and that’s more than with my dad, these principles saved some lives and some families, and I’m grateful for them. We continued with our conversations, actually talking and breathing together. So raw. So real. So unpretentious. Me and my daddy.
Then a car pulled in the driveway and the spell was broken. But for these brief twenty minutes which will be a lifetime for me were very beautiful. And I remembered that it was because I was PRESENT in the moment and didn’t judge what happened or how it happened. And I fondly remember, it was just me and my daddy.
Writing Wings For You 